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How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

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How do you make a double bass sound in tune?

Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

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A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah.

 

He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?"

 

The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"

 

 

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At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

 

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

 

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

 

 

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Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house.

 

Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was.

 

"Great," says Joe. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time."

 

 

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