A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line,
"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake!"
As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Jim, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Jim ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Jim. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Jim told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.