Free Jokes: 12/22/07

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Smart Sardar !!! :)

Saturday, December 22, 2007 0

sardar and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a long flight.

To pass the time, the lawyer suggested that they try to stump one another with trivia.

"If I ask you something that you don't know, you owe me Rs 5. The same goes if you

ask me something I don't know." The sardar refused.

"Okay. If you don't know an answer, you pay me Rs 5, but if I don’t know an answer,

I pay you Rs 50."

The sardar accepted. The Lawyer went first.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The sardar didn't say anything, but merely reached into her purse, pulled out a Rs 5 bill

and handed it to the lawyer. Then it was her turn.

"What has four legs going up a hill, but only three coming down?"

The lawyer had no idea, so he gave her a Rs 50 bill.

"So, what is it?"

The sardar said nothing, but merely reached into her purse and gave a Rs 5 bill to the lawyer.

v v v

Rohit wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!" So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, Rohit asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said

, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!!!!"

Moral

Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00

Broken furniture -- Rs. 20, 000.00

Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00

Saying The Right Thing While Drunk

- PRICELESS

v v v

Airlines jokes..

Lufthansa
Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the
captain:"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have
lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the
ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but
weresomewhat comforted by the captain's next
announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that
all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the
plane.

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's
request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The
captain once again made an
announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the
swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and
quickly swim away from the
plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You
for Flying
Lufthansa ".

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--- ------

Delta
Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding
announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address
system
saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board
from Gate
41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate
41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight
570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our
carry-on luggage and returned to the original
gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank
You for participating in Delta's physical fitness
program."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
-- ------

British
Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 fromNew York to
London .

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the
Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the
aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on
fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe
that the port wing has fallen
off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean , you will see a little
yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me
your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses"