A Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

Officer: May I see your driver's license

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK!!

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation

Captain: Sir, can I see your license

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

 

SmileJokes of the Day For March 05, 2008

Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?

Late one night, while proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den...

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" asked one of the friends.

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

 

Joke

James Bond dies and starts for heaven. His secretary badly wants to

Find out if he safely reached there. So, she calls up heaven.

 

 A sweet female voice picked up and said: "This is Virgin Mary speaking".

 

 

 "Damn it", the secretary said and hung up.

 

 

 She calls again after 10 minutes. The same voice: "This is Virgin Mary speaking".

 

 

 "Damn it. He hasn't reached yet", the secretary said and hung up again.

 

 

She calls again after 10 minutes. This time the voice said: "This is Mary Speaking".

 

 

"Thank you!! Take proper care of him", she said and hung up.

 

 

Thanks

Sughapirya

Kids Jokes

"Dad, can you write in the dark?"

"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"

"Your name on this report card."

 

***

 

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

 

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

 

The little girl replied, "My homework."

 

***

 

The child comes home from his first day at school.

Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

 

***

 

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"

 

***

 

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"

 

"Somebody else's pants."