Dancer - Joke

  A lady at the far end of the bar waves her arm in the air to get the attention of the waiter and by doing that, exposes her hairy armpit. Down the other end of the bar is a very drunk man who says

 “Hey, get the ballerina a drink would you.”

“How do you know she’s a ballerina?”

“Well, no one else would get their leg up that high.

 

 

 

New Year's Day Prayer for one and all

 

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that.  But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

 

 

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Sardarji

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned

to tell the salesman

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.

He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,

new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

 

***

 

10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

 

***

 

11- How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

 

***

 

12- Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.

Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile,

checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

 

***

 

13- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

 

***

 

14- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

 

***

 

15- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

 

 

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Happy New Year's

A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his

 

friend and asks for a cigarette.

 

'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit

 

smoking,' his friend says.

 

'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.

 

'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

 

'What's phase one?'

 

'I've quit buying.'

A depressed man

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

 

 

Wig Deal

Three aged angels in retirement found that their cash was starting to
run out. The trio desperately needed money, not only to acquire basic
necessities, but to buy bright jewelry for themselves to add to their
luminescence.

So they went to a financial adviser. She looked them over and noted
that, although the three angels had become wrinkled, they still
sported gorgeous heads of golden locks and tresses.

Realizing that such spectacular hair would be in great demand from
wig makers, the adviser advised the trio to "hock the hair, old
angels. Bring glory and some new-earned bling."

(From "The Ants Are My Friends" by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel ©2007
Marion Street Press)

Wig Deal: Hark! The herald angels sing. Glory to our new-born
king" ("Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" by Felix Mendelssohn and
Charles Wesley)

 

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