SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 21, 2008

Free To Be Me

 

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher

Took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

 

 

"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should

Be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free."

 

 

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He

Stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm not free."

 

 

The teacher quickly explained, "What with your parents always wishing

To exercise control over your behavior, it may seem to you that you

Are not free, but you truly are free."

 

 

The boy again said, "But I'm NOT free."

 

 

The teacher continued, "Yes, you really are free.  Your parents just

Want you to grow to be a disciplined and well-behaved young man, so

They work their hardest to instill in you the best values they

Possibly can."

 

 

The boy responded, "I'm not free. I'm four!"

 

Little John

Little-John asks his father:” Daddy, what’s the difference between a theory and practice?

Dad tells him to follow and downstairs they go to meet mom.

Dad asks mom: "If there would be Robert De Niro paying you 500 000$ to have sex with you, would you agree?”

Mom answers that of course she would.

Then dad takes his son with him to upstairs to talk with Little-Johns sister. Again he asks:” If there would be Brad Pitt paying you 500 000$ to have sex with you, would you agree?".

"Yes, of course", she replies.

Dad pauses a while then says slowly to Little-John:” You see my son, in theory we could have 1000 000$ but in practice we have no money and two whores in this family...."

Humour

How is that you did not notice the water coming from the tap to the office premises and flooding it when you were sitting in it?

I was engrossed in reading the book on "Love Story'!!

*****

The fisherwomen were complaining about you!!

Gracious; about what?

That you don't come to them now to buy their fish!

*****

Sometimes, my Boss is very sweet - I like him!

Well, I'll tell your husband about it!!!

Get lost from here - I'll hammer you!!!

*****

How did you manage to marry a Doctor when you are only High School passed?

Just remember, he married me for my 'beauty', young man!

*****

What is your problem, my friend?

Every girl 'kicks' me out!!

It is because you do not know how to play the game of 'love'!

*****

Uncle, did you not have any girlfriends in your youth?

Of course I had, and not one or two, but many, and every year, the girls used to change me!

*****

Why was your husband crying so bitterly?

Because I fired him for showing too much devotion towards his sis-in-law than me!

*****

Why has he come back from deputation - I had heard he wanted to get absorbed there!

He says he could not get a life partner there!!

*****

My son does not want to go to school and so he cries and I do not know how to convince him!!

He must have become like you then!

Of course not!!! He has become like his father.

*****

Why don't you accept me as a 'gift' to you?

And do what with you who is a 'nut'?

Of course, marry me, dear!

*****

Would you believe?

What happened?

I won then thousand rupees on 'matka' gambling and lost it within a week again on 'matka' gambling!!

*****

How about you getting married to me now for companionship at least?

Get lost, you sixty-year-old butler!!!

*****

Is your Dad an Officer?

Why do you ask that?  In fact, he is a 'peon'!!

Because I see him carrying an "Officer's Bag' to this office!

Oh, he thinks he is an Officer!

*****

What's wrong with him?  He is not working efficiently now as before !!

Sir, he is 'love-sick' and you must excuse him!

*****

You see, little knowledge is dangerous!!!

How do you know that I have little knowledge?

Because I also have little knowledge!!

*****

Do you know that he is the owner of that Bus?

But remember that he is also the Conductor of that Bus!

*****

You are not a bad fellow!

Then what kind of fellow am I then?

A bed fellow who always sleeps without doing any work!!

*****

How much is your gold chain and gold ring worth?

Ten thousand rupees!

And if I want to have these, what should I do?

You will have to kill me!

No please, you may kill me in return in the scuffle!!

*****

They say that he is a 'chieftain' in your village!!!

In fact, he was!

Then what happened?

Now they say that I am the 'chieftain'!

*****

I am a match-maker and I want to bring you a spouse!

I would prefer your beautiful daughter than anyone else!

Sorry, I did not come to you for a match for my daughter!!

*****

  Thanks

Samson Fernandes