Sardar's

One Day I went to my friend sardar's home.Sardar's wife came in home
at that time with taking a basket.Sardar said:Yaar, If you tell me
that, what is in the basket-All eggs will be yours.If you tell me that,
How many eggs are there in basket all 8 eggs will be yours.If you tell
me that which animal's eggs are there in basket the hen will be
yours.Now answer.-I told him:Yaar, give me some clue(hint).

SENDER:Pujan Vakharia




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Fun

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math
at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic
school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the
house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and
dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is
okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy
keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the
son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind
about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I
walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the
back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant
business."




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Job interview

Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says,

"What's the first thing you see when you look at me?" The guy says, "That's not too hard, you've got no ears." The interviewer says,

"That's it, get out, you'll never be seen around here again." The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question.

The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no ears." The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll never get a job with his company.

 As he is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say he hasn't got any ears.

He's so touchy with the ear thing." "Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office.

 Once inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you look at me.

“The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts.

“The interviewer was flabbergasted,

"How on earth did you know that, son?"

 "What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses, you've got no ears!"

 

 

 

Thanks

K.Shanmukesh

 

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Joke of the Day For April 01, 2008

A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.

Dead-pan, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car."

 

Thanks

Smile Jokes

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Little Johnny

Little Johnny is bored all day, hanging around the house. He goes into his parents room and finds them having sex. "What are you doing?" Johnny asks.

"Uh, well, we're dancing." replies his mother.

"What's daddy doing?"

"He's my partner, now run along."

A few nights later, Johnny goes into his sisters room and catches her having sex with her boyfriend. "What are you doing?"

"Ummm, dancing."

"What's your boyfriend doing?"

"He's my partner, now get out of here!"

Then Thanksgiving came around and Johnny's relatives were at his house.

Johnny went into the bathroom and saw his grandfather beating his meat.

"What are you doing?" Johnny once again asks.

"Why I'm dancing." said his grandfather.

"Well, where is your partner?"

His grandfather replied, "When you've danced as long as I have, you don't need a partner."

 

Thanks

Skmurugan

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Joke

A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.

"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counters and ate the middle of the salmon."

Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, and then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.

"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"

The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.

Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"

 

Thanks

K.Shanmukesh

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Joke

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. The doctors operated and informed him that all went well. However, he kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Concerned that there was a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally mustered up the energy to pull his hospital gown down far enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the type that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:-

"Have a speedy recovery ... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

 

 

Thank you

K.Shanmukesh

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes of the Day For March 31, 2008

A vicar was giving the children's message during a church service.

For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation.

He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is."

The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause)"

"and eats nuts (pause)..."

No hands went up.

"And it is grey (pause)"

"And has a long bushy tail (pause) . . .”

The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised.

"And it jumps from branch to branch (pause)"

"And chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause) . . .”

Finally, one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The vicar breathed a sigh of relief and called on him.

"Well," said the boy, "I KNOW the answer must be Jesus -- but it sounds just like a squirrel to me!"

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| April Fool's Day

 

Practical Jokes & Tricks

April fool’s Day is the opportunity to trick your friends or loved ones and even strangers and play practical jokes on them. Here are some out of the world ideas for you.

• Rearrange somebody's drawers or file cabinets in a different order and see them baffled.
• Hard boil an egg and place it in the regular egg carton the night before. In the morning, ask someone to help you make breakfast and beat the egg to make omelets. Hand them the hard-boiled egg and watch them trying to crack it!
• On the other hand, you may just glue the eggs to the carton and ask someone to hand them to you in the morning. As the victims struggle to take the eggs out of the carton, they break.
• There are lots of fantastic tricks for heavy sleepers. Some of the popular ones are:

• Draw funny eyebrows and moustache on their faces while they are asleep.
• o Place some whipped cream in their hands and tickle their nose with a feather.
• o Placing someone's hand while they are asleep in a bowl of cold water is a sure way to make them wet their beds.

• Go to office early by half an hour on April 1 and tape down the ball at the bottom of everybody's mouse. See everybody surprised to find out that nobody's mouse is working. Works only on scroll mouse.
• This one is to play Dr Dolittle. Tape a little walky-talky on your pet or hide it somewhere near where it is laying. Walk off to a safe distance where you can keep yourself hidden from others with the other piece. As soon as another family member tries to pick up or pat on the back of your pet, say in a gruff voice, "I hate you doing this to me." See them jump with fright and shock.
• Late at night, fill the hair-dryer with baby powder. Catch the expression of someone who has just washed his or her hair and turned it white by using the hair dryer.
• This can be done in class, office or home. Ask your friends, colleagues and siblings to perform particular actions together at the same pre-planned time like dropping their pencils at the same time, to tie shoelaces, to reboot their computers, to drink water or any such innocent actions. These synchronized actions are sure to surprise anybody who will wonder about what is happening.
• Good for teachers. Tell your students that you are just going to note the scores that they have got on their tests or exams and will hand out to them after an hour. Go to the room and them keep running out looking like very scared and tell them that the principal has just spilled coffee or ink on the test/examination papers and they will have to take them again. Note their reactions and exclamations. You can bet that the dullest of all students will loudly claim that they had done their best this time and it is not fair to them. Then you can tell them how much they have really scored.

 

Tips for Successful Pranks

 

It takes wit, humor, skills, understanding of human reactions and practice to be a master prankster and a practical joker. Here are some tips that will help you to fool and hoax people successfully on April Fool's Day and see their flushed faces as their reactions change from being shocked or stunned to being embarrassed and then to a roaring laughter or a funny smile.

• Improvisations help enhance a prank by various degrees. Using ketchup or tomato sauce as blood can even be enhanced a little more if you use thick tomato gravy to make blood clots at a place or two. Give life to a plastic lizard by tying it with an invisible string and make it jump on the victim suddenly. You can also place a plastic bug inside some dish and if the restaurant manager is the victim, you can brawl and complain as much as you like. Improvise on the gluing the penny to the floor by cutting the penny in half using cutco scissors and keep the other half. Just see how many people try to pick even this half penny up.
• Distractions of the victim help a lot while you are working on your pranks. While the person is busy with something, make someone who is masked ring the bell and attack the victim with the artificial knife whose blade pushes inside as soon as it touches something. Don't try this on a person with a weak heart. Ask a friend to give a ring to the victim's telephone and engage him an exciting and interesting conversation. Arrange a plastic skeleton at his side facing him and watch him being shocked from the sudden appearance of the ghost.
• Be accompanied by your friends and disciples to assist you. Not only they are of great help as the one to distract, they can also be of help and at least call the police, if something goes awry and you need to escape of even face the butt ends of your pranks.
• A master is always known by its resourcefulness and readiness. Be always ready to play a prank and catch your friends. The pen that gives you a slight shock as soon as one removes the cap can always be kept in your breast pocket. Fake rubber or funny-tasting candies can be casually distributed to any number of people you like while the onion juice in a fancy small perfume bottle can easily fit into your pocket. A small ketchup pouch can help you produce the effect of the spilled blood wherever and whenever you like and pushback artificial knife can shock anyone at anytime.
• The right prank for the right person is the trick of the trade. A fake car scratch or broken glass tattoo is good for people who love their cars. Place a transparent plastic sheet on one's favorite carpet or book and drop gravy or ink on it. Foods that look delicious and taste funny are meant for those who can't themselves from tasting just a bit of everything that looks good and edible.
• No one can become a master without a real interest at perfection. So, if you really want to become a master prankster, leave no way of escape for your victim. You may even want to watch Home Alone Part 1 for the idea of what I am talking about. Place a number of pranks at a number of places for the victim, so that once targeted by you, they cannot escape. Placing the tube of shaving cream with the toothbrush of the sleepy friend can be put in combo with a face soap that makes you dirty in the soap box the towel that is clean outside but has powdered color inside.
• Good planning and careful study of the victim's schedule and mode of behavior always help in deploying successful pranks. You may need to lay a trap for the victim days in advance so that he/she won't suspect a thing on the intended day. One good prank is to carefully note the time when the victim normally uses his bathroom first time in the morning. Then place a transparent plastic sheet over his/her toilet tile a little before that or after the victim finally falls asleep in the night. Let down the toilet seat. Don't forget to capture a photograph of their expression when they come out.
• Learn to control the excitement to get a hand at your victim to avoid blowing the cover of your state-of-the-art prank that you have placed for them. Try not to rush them or force them to do a thing or try something just because you are eager to see the result for if they smell the rat, all your efforts will get wasted.
• Two or more jokes combined together heighten the effect. Much-awaited letter delivered to the victim's home early in the morning by their beloved fetching an appointment, fake snakes and plastic spiders in their cereal box and wallet/purse, credit and debit cards replaced by thick plastic sheet board of the same size, keys replaced with another set that looks same but cannot open the locks, onion juice in the perfume bottle and soap water in the milk bottle early in the morning are just the perfect ways to start pranking on the April Fool's Day.
• Use your skills of acting and learn to keep a straight face while you pull off pranks. You have to make people believe in you to be a master. If you are entering the classroom with a fake black eye wound and a cast on, be sure to limp a little and groan from time to time.

Thanks

 

skvm

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math’s problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

 

 "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Johnny, "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.

Thanks

Shanmukesh

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

How do you make a double bass sound in tune?

Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah.

 

He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?"

 

The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

 

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

 

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house.

 

Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was.

 

"Great," says Joe. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time."

 

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| GOOD MORNING............

 

 

"Don't lower your Goals to the level of your abilities.

Instead, raise your abilities to the height of your goals”

Every moment, every situation, every issue and

Every concern has a positive side.

Find it and bring it to life....

 

 

Have a Lovely Week...!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks & Regards,

 

R.Venkatesan

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes of the Day For March 30, 2008

Two mushrooms met at a bar one night...

After a short conversation, the boy mushroom said to the girl mushroom, "Hey, wanna go out with me on a date tomorrow night?"

The girl mushroom, somewhat put off by the boy mushroom's forward advances, replied, "No."

"Why not?" asked the boy mushroom. "I am really a fungus!"

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Doctor

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a success- full doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

 

"What's this," she asked.

 

"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Grandmother

Linda, whose daughter had just given birth to a beauty- full, healthy baby, showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill expected.

 

"What's wrong," Jill asked. "Are you depressed by the fact that you're a grandmother?"

 

Linda responded with a barely perceptible smile. "No,"

 

She said. "It's just that I'm not crazy about having to sleep with a grandfather."

 

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