Joke of the Day for Dec 24, 2007

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The

material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of

us sitting here, years ago.



"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese

food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of

us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking

water.



"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all

have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that

causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"


A old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"

 

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Sardarji

One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing
his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...

Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually?

Sardarji: ‘I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.

Friend: ‘Is it! Then, How did you come to office from home in the
morning?’

Sardarji: ‘I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the
morning !

 

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When u r getting bored in office do this !!!

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.

2. Make blank calls to your Boss.

3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).

4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else chair just to

irritate him/her.

5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to

the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them

there, and note down the time they take to reach there.

6. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while working

and try changing your expressions also.

7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking

silly doubts.

8. Have work breaks in between tea.

9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.

10. Read jokes and send jokes.

11. Revise last week's newspaper.

12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.

13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.

14. Compile "How to waste your day"

15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s

16. Make faces at strangers in office.

17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.

18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..

Then repeat this process.

19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s)

he was 5 years old.

20. Learn to whistle.

21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a

nap.And if you are still getting bored:

22. Fwd this mail to everyone u know!!!!!!!!!!! N thatz what i am

doing.......Ha Ha Ha

 

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joke

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues - one line for the  men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who  were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away  so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one  man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

 

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Advice for Women

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

 

 

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Family Jokes

A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair. As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked; "Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?"
The mother paused and looked at her daughter. "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."
The mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes. The little girl stood there thinking. She cleared her throat again. "Mother?" She sweetly asked again.
"Yes?" Her Mother replied. "Why is Grandma's hair all grey?"

 

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Marriage

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

 

 

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