Monday, March 31, 2008

|::: Smile Jokes :::| Joke

Monday, March 31, 2008 0

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes of the Day For March 31, 2008


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| April Fool's Day

April FoolApril Fools DayApril Fools DayApril Fool Day

 

Practical Jokes & Tricks

April fool’s Day is the opportunity to trick your friends or loved ones and even strangers and play practical jokes on them. Here are some out of the world ideas for you.

 

Tips for Successful Pranks

 

It takes wit, humor, skills, understanding of human reactions and practice to be a master prankster and a practical joker. Here are some tips that will help you to fool and hoax people successfully on April Fool's Day and see their flushed faces as their reactions change from being shocked or stunned to being embarrassed and then to a roaring laughter or a funny smile.

Thanks

 

skvm


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Little Johnny


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes

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How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

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How do you make a double bass sound in tune?

Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

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A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah.

 

He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?"

 

The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"

 

 

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At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

 

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

 

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

 

 

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Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house.

 

Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was.

 

"Great," says Joe. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time."

 

 

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| GOOD MORNING............

 

 

"Don't lower your Goals to the level of your abilities.

Instead, raise your abilities to the height of your goals”

Every moment, every situation, every issue and

Every concern has a positive side.

Find it and bring it to life....

 

 

Have a Lovely Week...!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks & Regards,

 

R.Venkatesan

 


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Sunday, March 30, 2008

|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes of the Day For March 30, 2008

Sunday, March 30, 2008 0

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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Doctor


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Grandmother


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Friday, March 28, 2008

|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes-a-day

Friday, March 28, 2008 0

sun082493.JPG


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Smile Jokes of the Day For March 28, 2008

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age."

"Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

 


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|::: Smile Jokes :::| Sardarji Jokes

 A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss. Do u know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

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A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"

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Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

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Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"

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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know Why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

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A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

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Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet Sardar: - Why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

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A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

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Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he was driving..

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A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- We must find & stop her!.

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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

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Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXGN TUBE!"

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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife asked what you are doing. He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

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Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!

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Man: Sardarji where were u born? Sardarji: Punjab. Man: Which part? Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".

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IN COURT during a case: Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke ..... Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab kehte ho gita pe haath rakho.....

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Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me. I don't know how she got my no, She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found Mrs Sardar painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put on two coats"

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A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). The first sardar replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258.

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Q:) How do u recognize a sardar in school or college???

A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

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Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale? A:) Because he wanted to measure how much he has slept........

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Santa Singh MBBS. After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his own practice. He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the Tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch. Finally he said Battery is Ok !


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