Puns of the Day

A plastic surgeon's office is the only place where no one gets
offended when you pick your nose.

To buy a feathered comforter takes a "down" payment.

If beauty is only skin deep and some people are thick skinned, does
that make them more beautiful?

In days gone by, a man's word was his bond. Today, fortunately, we
have glue.

He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you.

GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES

While Nostradamus was alive, he was in great demand by the various
churches and temples in the area. Since this got to be a strain
running from place to place, the religious groups got together and
hammered out a schedule where they would each get Nostradamus'
services for one or two days a month on a rotating basis. It was the
world's first prophet-sharing plan.

A stuffy old dowager was explaining to the Jewish florist how she
wanted the flowers arranged at the DAR (Daughters of the American
Revolution) meeting to celebrate the signing of the Declaration of
Independence. "Actually," she said, "one of my ancestors was present
at the presentation of the document to the Congress." "How very
nice." replied Morris the florist. "One of my mine was present at the
presentation of the Ten Commandments to the world."

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the
department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office
sent this reply, "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have
no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care
about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of
upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he
was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them
together at once because they had one thing in common - they were
both compulsive liars.

OTHER HUMOR

When we would intrude foreign banks
The signs used to say, "Go home Yanks! "
These days we send troops
Sometimes it's an "oops"
Their signs should say "Thanks, but no tanks"
(Gary Hallock)

Frank & Ernest's Gardening Tips: You don't need to cut back a plum
tree. Just leave it alone and eventually it will "prune" itself.
(Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)

Silver Nitrate: A rental fee for the Lone Ranger's horse after
dark. (Lederer & Ertner)

Confucius say war not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Bumper Sticker: Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!

"I'll be able to see the future in this fog," Tom said optimystically.

 

 

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