What happened when the owl lost his voice?
Why are baseball players so rich?
Because they play on diamonds! (Mike, 9)
When it turns into a den. (Lilit)
What branch of the armed forces is best for babies?
Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of the
Because they are all wet. (Joseph Rosenbloom)
The poet had written better poems, but he'd also written verse.
These 2 atoms were walking around when one atom says to the other
one, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other atom says "Are you
sure?" He replies "Yes, I'm positive"
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are
overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
I called the plumber on the phone, "Can you come over and fix my
kitchen sink again?" His encouraging reply, "You know I'm always at
your disposal." (Gary Hallock)
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
"Look at this mess!" roared the angry customer at a local cafe,
pointing to his squashed donut. "It's just as you ordered it, sir,"
the waitress replied meekly. "You told me to bring you coffee and a
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer
period with his new students when one of them asked the usual
question, "If our chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open,
how long do we have before we hit the ground?" The jump master looked
at him very seriously and said, "You have the rest of your life."
In ancient times, workers in a popular deli were told that they could
eat anything they wanted during lunch hour -- anything, that is,
except the very expensive smoked salmon. Thus, were created the
world's first anti-lox breaks!
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about
the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to
read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his
sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how
many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and
said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my
The one-l lama, He's a priest.
The two-I llama, He's a beast.
There isn't any three-l lllama
Caesar: To visually perceive a female. "He has a seizure every time
Cancel: "If we throw in a free VCR, we CANCEL many more wide-screen TVs
I tried one of those baby changing stations in a public rest room but
I think it was broken. I kept getting the same baby back. (Kimberly
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