(Life is getting much too serious, yes? Who doesn't need a daily smile? )
A man, his son, and a dog walk into a bar. "Ow!" "Ow!" "Woof!"
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north AB out 9 months ago?" "Yes, I do." said Bob "Did you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
There was a man who had worked all of his life, and had saved all of his money, and was a real miser. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, and she went over to the casket and put it in. Then the undertaker locked the casket down, and rolled it away. Her friend said, "Girl, now I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?" The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put all the money in the casket with him." "You mean to tell me that you really did it !!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got all the money together, put it into my checking account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
