SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 08, 2008

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

Joke

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head

SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 07, 2008

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

 

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

 

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

 

"T-square, do your stuff."

 

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

 

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

 

He called his cat and said,

 

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

 

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed that was good.

 

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said

 

"Measure, do your stuff."

 

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

 

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

 

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

 

The Government Employee called his cat and said.....

 

"Coffee Break.....does your stuff."

 

Coffee Break jumped to his feet...........

 

Ate the cookies...............

 

Drank the milk..............

 

Sh*t on the paper....................

 

Screwed the other three cats.....................

 

Claimed he injured his back while doing so..................

 

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........

 

Put in for Workers Compensation...............and

 

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............!!!!!!!!!!

Nauseous Commuter

Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, she asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there."