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Bad News

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."

The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

 

Urologist

Bill was less than grateful when his urologist recomm- ended he give up sex completely, if he was to beat a rare- but-lethal chronic fatigue disease. "Give up sex completely, doc?" he shouted. "I'm a young buck. How can you expect me to just go cold turkey?"

 

"So get married and taper off gradually," the doctor prescribed.

SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 04, 2008

A grasshopper goes into a neighborhood bar. 

The bartender looks at Him and says,

"I am delighted to see you here.  Do you know that we

Have a drink named after you?"

 

The grasshopper pauses for a minute and replies,

 "Why did you name a Drink 'Daniel'?"

Fake Bucks

Little Johnny went into a hobby shop, took a toy plane, and gave the shopkeeper fake money.

 

The shopkeeper told him, "Hey you, this ain't real money."

 

Little Johnny did not reply as he began to walk out of the shop.

 

The shopkeeper said the same thing and the same thing happened.

 

The third time the shopkeeper called him; Little Johnny said "What?"

 

The shopkeeper said, "This aint real money!"

 

Little Johnny finally said, "And this aint a real plane!"