Joke of The Day For Jan 07, 2008

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car,and both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing my mind, I swear we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right through.This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was mistaken.She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through.She turned to the woman driving and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Misc jokes

Fried Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my
GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always
forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE
SALT!"

The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple
of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."

Guardian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:
"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick
will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of
him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after
awhile he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If
you take one more step a car will run over you and you
will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came
careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I
got married?"

Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid,
but he felt unwilling to spend much money.

"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from 100
bucks to 10,000."

"Let's see the cheaspest model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck.

"You just stick this button in your ear and run this
little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked. "For 100 RS it
doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people
see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

Drunk & The Nun

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really
drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the
bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on
the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and
punched her in the face.

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could
do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her
and kicked her , then he picked her up and threw her
into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move
very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his
face right next to hers and said.........."Not so
strong tonight, are you Batman?"

Infinite Wisdom

One day a teacher was giving a lecture on philosophy,
and had the class enthralled. It was a brilliant
lecture.

Suddenly, over his head a bright light flashed and an
angel came down and approached the teacher.

She said, "You are doing such a good job teaching this
class, I have decided to give you one wish. You can
have infinite money, infinite wisdom, or infinite
knowledge."

Thinking for a minute, he humbly asked for infinite
wisdom. She tapped him with a magic wand and
disappeared in a flash. The class came forward to hear
the first words from a man with infinite wisdom.

He said, "It would of been wiser to take the money..."

Radar Trap:

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for
watching for speeders along a well-traveled stretch of
highway. The location, at a bend in the road, allowed
him to hide his car out of sight of oncoming traffic
while setting up his radar to nab any speeders who
passed by. He had used this location successfully a
number of times, especially on holidays, and decided
to use it again one Labor Day weekend.

The officer arrived at his hiding place and set
himself up, settling down to wait for the first
speeders to appear. After a half hour or so the
officer hadn't seen anybody speeding.

In fact most of the cars that passed him were
traveling exactly at the speed limit, and some of the
passengers in the passing cars were even smiling and
waving at him. He couldn't believe this was happening
since his hiding place was so well concealed.

Finally, after realizing that virtually all the
passing cars knew he was there, the officer decided
that something was wrong and went investigate.

He got out of his car and walked up the road a short
distance. About 100 yards before his hiding place the
officer found the problem: A 10 year old boy was
standing on the side of the road with a huge hand
painted sign which said: RADAR TRAP AHEAD.

A little more investigative work led the officer to
the boys accomplice, another boy about 100 yards
beyond the radar trap with a sign reading TIPS and a
bucket at his feet full of change.

Everything has a gender

 

 

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

 

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

 

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

 

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

 

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. 

 

It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

 

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

 

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

 

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

 

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

 

A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

 

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male ,didn't you?

 

But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

 

 

 

 

               

 

Funny ppl on earth - jokes

Seeing Mr.Anuragh depressed his wife asks:"why are you sad?"
Anuragh:I lost Rs 500 in a bet.
Wife:How?
Anuragh :I bet on India cricket match for 300, but it lost"
Wife:But you said bet was for Rs. 500!
Anuragh :I again bet for India for 200 during highlights

 

S and B were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
S said "These look like tiger tracks,"

B said: "No, they look like horse tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

 

  

A laugh

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in he lower. At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?" "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited. And she says : "Get up and take it yourself"

 

 

 

 

Best mail ever received......

 

 

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." My Mom "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny." "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life."     "Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible."     My Daddy     "How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child's board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted." Always …… Love Your parents!

 
Think Positive & Never Give Up…

 

 

Thanks n Regards, 

Mohan D

__._,_.___

Bal Thackrey and Cricket

A cricket match is on between the Aussies & Indians at Wankhede Stadium.

Bal Thackrey is sitting in the balcony watching it. He's very happy that the Pakies are not there.

Suddenly Sachin hits a sixer to McGrath and the ball lands up just next to Bal Thackrey's seat. McGrath shouts, 'Hey ! Gimme the ball back.'

Thackrey shouts back, 'Yey Marathit bol.' McGrath doesn't understand a thing & repeats his statement. This gets the same reply from Thackrey. Now, a security official standing at the boundry goes to McGrath & tells him, 'Sir, that is Bal Thackrey.' Now McGrath is excited, (he has heard about him) and shouts, 'OH! BALL TAK REY.' Bal Thackrey is happy and throws the ball back to him.

God doesn't exist.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists." " Why do you say that?"asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.  Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." " How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside." "Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me." "Exactly !"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."