Blonde

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

 

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

 

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

 

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

 

Mary: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

 

Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

 

Mary: "Head Cleaner."

 

 

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SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 12, 2008

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York, he sees a little

girl being attacked by a bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with

the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

 

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a

hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker

saves the life of little girl"

 

 

The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!"

 

 

"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves

life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.

 

 

"But I am not an American!" - says the man.

 

 

"Oh, what are you then?

"The man says: - "I am a Iraqi"

 

 

The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent

American dog, Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"

Sardarji Jokes

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared?

I was enjoying my ride down there?

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

 

 

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HR = High Risk

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.

 

The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying, My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

 

Manager: - How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

 

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

 

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

 

Manager: - So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

 

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

 

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

 

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

 

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

 

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove the t14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

 

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

 

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

 

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

 

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holidays)?

Man:- No sir!

 

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

 

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

 

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

 

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

 

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR = HIGH RISK

 

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Hands shaking

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"

 

"Do you drink a lot?"

 

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

 

 

 

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