Old farmer

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting this fact to a few of his friends down at the local grain silos. One of them says, "You know, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but got it fixed really quick.”

 

"How did you get it fixed?"

 

"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her".

 

He goes home to the farm and decides to try it.  He grabs a cow, dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs it all around the bull's nose. The bull gets a rip-roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately.

 

That night, he gets into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind.  As she lays sleeping, he dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it's nice and wet, he rubs it all around his nose and gets a rip-roaring hard on.

 

He quickly shakes his wife awake and cries out loud...

"Darling, Look at THIS!!!"

 

She rolls over, turns on the light and says, " You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?!"

Trailer Park Rules

 1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three years.

 

 2. No draining your oil onto the street.

 

 3. No loud and wild parties without inviting the manager.

 

 4. You may have no more than 3 beer can wind chimes each

    Only having no more than 6 cans each.

 

 5. Drunkenness will not be tolerated in the streets prior To 10 am.

 

 6. While outside of your trailer you must be at least partially clothed.

 

 7. If you prefer to clean your trailer in the nude, please close the curtains.

 

 8. When bringing in the Jerry Springer or COPS film crews,

    Please provide the management prior written notice so

    That certain resident may be forewarned.

 

 9. Empty beer bottles should not be discarded on the front

    Lawn. However, they may remain there until you are sober

    Enough to collect them with the under-standing you will

    Collect them within 7 days whether sober or not.

 

10. When bringing dates home to your trailer, please be

    Advised that in the event the sidewalks need to be

    Repaired or replaced due to the weight of your date,

    You will be responsible for all cost incurred.

 

Doctor

A young man was standing in the middle of a street and shouting.

Young man: Call me a doctor. Call me a doctor.

Passer-by (anxiously): What's the matter with you? Are you feeling sick?

Young man (happily): No, I just graduated from medical college.

 

Thanks

Mala

SmileJokes of the Day For March 10, 2008

Kids Jokes

 

Two students run to the policeman:

Policeman! Policeman, the corner there...

- What happened?

- Here ... our teacher...

- An accident?

- No! He is parking wrong! Full text

***

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Marriage Jokes

Reading our marriage certificate

 

Wife:    "What are you doing?"

 

Husband: "Nothing."

 

Wife:    "Nothing?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

 

Husband: "I was just looking for the expiration date."

***

• Man: Is there any way for long life? 

Dr: Get married. 

Man: Will it help? 

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

***

• Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

***

• It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

***

• A man who surrenders when he's wrong is Honest. 

A man, who surrenders when not sure, is Wise. 

A man, who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

***

• There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than Electronic banking. It's called marriage

***

• Different Phases of a man: 

After engagement: Superman 

After Marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman 

After 20 years: Doberman

***

Love with a Nurse

A sardar ji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse: - I Love U sister

***

A gorgeous girl walks up 2 a a professor's cabin and says I will do anything 2 pass in the exam.
Professor: anything!?
Girl: ya
Prof: open your books and study.

 

***

 

Thanks

Mala

sardarji, Santa & Banta Jokes

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!

 

***

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Sardars Hari Singh and Gan iSingh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

***

Doctor: What Happen To You?

Sardarji: Nothing Happen To Me, My Bucket Was Broken, Can You Able To

Make It Fine.

Doctor: What Nonsense You Are Talking? Are You Mad

Sardarji Replied Very Calmly: Doctor Every Body Says That You Are The

No: 1 Plastic Surgeon, So I Came Hear.

 

***

 

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Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

***

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday

 

Thanks

Mala

The baked beans

Mrs. Brown is the church Matron, and she has become very famous for the baked beans she makes for every

picnick or church potluck. The annual Mothers Day Pot Luck Dinner was tomorrow, and as usual Mrs. Brown set about preparing her baked beans for the meal. She had set everything to going on the stove, and was called Away to the door.

 

Mrs. Brown’s son Billy came running into a freshly waxed kitchen, with his BB gun in one hand and a fist full of BB’s in the other. He slipped on the freshly waxed floor, and wouldn’t you know it, the BB’s flew right into the pot of baking beans.

 

Mrs. Brown walked into the kitchen and scolded little Billy for running indoors, but not wanting to get into any further trouble he said nothing about the BB’s going into the pot of simmering beans.

 

The next day came, and the Potluck was an enormous success. As usual, Mrs. Brown’s beans were the favorites and were quickly eaten all up. Not a single bean left in the pot.

 

The next morning Mrs. Brown receives a phone call from the church secretary. Mrs. Brown she says, um I loved your beans as always, but did you perhaps add anything, or change your recipe? Mrs. Brown replied why No, it was the same recipe as I always prepare, Why? The secretary says, Well, um I bent over to feed

My cat this morning, and I shot the Canary!

 

Thanks

Mala