Joke Time

 

A Veteran - whether active duty, retired, guard, or reserve is someone who, at some point in his life, wrote a check made
Payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life”. That is Honor, and there are too many people in this country who no longer understand it! ! ! !

 

No, the United States of America is by no means a perfect country, but it's my country and I shall defend her 'til the day I die!

 

"No better friend, no worse enemy than a U.S. Marine"

 

 ***

 

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my older brother. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

 

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

 

Thanks

SughaPirya 

 

SmileJokes of the Day For March 11, 2008

In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O'Neill said, "Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object."

Paul replied, "Everyone thinks you are the best teacher I the school."

"Thank you, Paul," responded Mrs. O'Neill, "but what is the object?"

"To get the best mark possible," said Paul.

 

Senior Citizen's luncheon

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

 

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

 

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

 

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

 

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down?"

 

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

 

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

 

She said yes, and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?" The woman replied, "Down."

 

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down?" She replied "Up."

 

This really confused the gentleman, so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

 

She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought my choices were fuck or drown."

 

Thanks

Sughapirya

New Golf Terms

Here are some new golf terms for you. Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots -- shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc.

Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary.

 

A *Paris Hilton* - an expensive hole

 

A *James Joyce* - an impossible read

 

A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but wasn't.

 

A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution

 

An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim

 

A *Lou Gehrig* - a dead Yank

 

A *German* - a hookenfucker

 

An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker

 

A *Saddam Hussein* - from one bunker straight into another

 

A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand

 

A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect

 

A *John Kennedy, Jr.* - didn't make it over the water

 

An *Elephant's Ass* - it's high and it stinks

 

A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed

 

An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it

 

A *Princess Grace* - should have taken a driver

 

A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have taken a driver

 

A *George W.* - steadily fading

 

A *condom* - safe, but didn't feel very good

 

A *circus tent* - a BIG top

 

An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

 

A *Brazilian* - Shaved the hole

 

A *Rush Limbaugh* - too far to the right

 

A *Nancy Pelosi* - too far to the left

 

Thanks

Sughapirya

Elderly hooker

After listening to the elderly hooker pleads her case, Judge Hanson called a brief recess and retired to his chambers. Enroute, he bumped into Judge Forbes.

 

"Say," said Hanson, "what would you give a sixty-three- year-old hooker?"

 

"Oh gosh," replied Forbes, "five or six bucks top."

 

Thanks

Mala

Call secretary a doll

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "Why do you call your secretary a doll?"

 

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl.

She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."

 

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her eyes when you lay her down."

Little Johny

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,

Pop! What are you doing'?"

His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that

Gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."

 

 

Thanks

Mala

 

 

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