Joke

The Pope wakes up one morning with a huge erection. Thinking that it wasn't very Catholic, he tries to get rid of it. Unfortunately, walking around the room, thinking about the Bible and even getting some fresh air on the balcony all fail to soften him up. With only one option left, he sat down on the balcony and relieved himself.

Later, the Pope was walking around Rome, when a man with a camera approached him. "Hello, Mr. Pope," the man says. "Six o'clock this morning, on the balcony, I think you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," the Pope replied.

"Oh, I think you do," the man retorted, "and 50 thousand will buy you the camera."

Worried and confused, the Pope paid up and took the camera.

Back in the Vatican, one of the Pope's aides was asking about the camera. "A chap in town sold it to me for 50 thousand," the Pope explained.

"50 thousand?" said the aide. "Wow, he must've seen you coming."

 

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Joke of the Day

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!



He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"



He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!



He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"



Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!



He thinks for a few moments about what just took place, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!"

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Fast

A Japanese tourist came to the Philippines for a vacation.

He wasn't all that impressed by the country, of course. On his way
to the hotel from the airport he was busy complaining to the taxi
driver: "Bah, things here so slow!", he complained.

They passed by a train station and he complained: "Trains here so
slow! In Japan we have bullet train. Travels from Tokyo to Osaka in
just minutes." The driver said nothing.

They passed by the freeway and he complaind: "Traffic here so slow.
You buy car from Japan and you drive slow. Roads too small! In Japan
we have 10 lanes for cars, you have 5. The driver said nothing.

When they arrived at the hotel he asked: "How much do I pay?" The
driver said:"That's 1,000 pesos." "1000!!!", the Japanese shouted in
shock. "How come so big?"

The driver smirked and said: "Sir, taxi meter `Made in Japan' and
you're right - it is fast!"

 

 

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The illiterate immigrant

Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved
his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he
had enough money to send for the wife and children.  The work kept
him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank
was happy to do business with him, even though his signature
consisted of two X's.

He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to
private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one
staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea.  One day
his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.

"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.

Smith waved a bunch of checks at him.  "Perhaps nothing," he said,
"but I wanted to be on the safe side.  These recent checks of yours
are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2."

Greenberg looked embarrassed.  "I'm sorry about making trouble," he
said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich
guy, I should have a middle name!"

 

 

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