Sleep

 I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

God News

A doctor tells his patient -
"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you".

So, the patient asks, "What's the good news, Doc?"

And the doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you!"

Little Johnny

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was
getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what
to do? The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up,
you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring
him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list,
leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts
he Requests," Two days before Christmas, Johnny's
father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. I want
a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I
wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn
train going around the damn tree. And when I go
outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against
the damn garage.
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled
over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down
stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching
his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of
dog poop by the garage. When Johnny walked back inside
with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and
asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"
Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog but I can't find
the son-of-a-bitch!"

SmileJokes of the Day For Feb 22, 2008

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

 

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Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can"

 

 

***

 

 

How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

 

***

How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

 

***

 

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

 

***

 

Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on two coats'."

 

***

 

Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can"